Morbid Fantasies (Or how I envision my tragic untimely death)

Hey all. This past week I was trying to figure a few things out so that I could go to school this semester but they didn't work out so it looks like I'll be taking a semester off. Yuck. Call me crazy, but I love school. I really and seriously do. In other news, this whole week is supposed to be overcast and rainy and it has got me bouncing off the walls! I love the rain!! Plus, the rain gives me a good excuse to wear the crap out of my booties! Which, by the way, when I was at Dunkin' Donuts the other day buying a doughnut for my dad with my sister this totally sweet girl stopped me in my tracks and told me she loved my outfit and shoes! She then proceed to demand that her mother buy her a pair exactly like mine. It totally made my not so great day so much better. Anyway, remember how once upon a time I mentioned a book called Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling? Ya know, the book that inspired me to share all these random little eccentricities of mine through a series of posts?  Well, in the book there's a chapter in which Mindy talks about her workout fantasies. You know, just little fantastical situations she dreams up to keep herself entertained while she works out. It was pretty friggin hilarious, especially since I do the same thing. Only, most of my workout fantasies involve envisioning fantastical situations in which I die heroically. I mean, we all think about our own death/funeral right? Right?? What kind of human would I be if I didn't occasionally imagine the throngs of crowds that would show up to my funeral after I die saving a baby stuck in a tree? (Probably a sane one. I mean, why would a baby be stuck in a tree, and what would cause me to drop down dead after saving it? Clearly it's my flawed death fantasy that makes me not sane here, not the fact that I'm even imagining my own funeral.)

{F21: plaid button up similar, skirt similar; H&M: sheer black tights; Go Jane: faux suede booties}

Let's get started on my creepy death fantasies shall we? Well, that is if I haven't creeped you all out into shutting off your computer and crawling over into a corner of your room to rock back and forth Smeagol style. You should all know, though, that I only ever dream up these weird little morbid fantasies when I'm running. Well, that actually isn't much of a comfort since I run four to five days a week so my death/illness fantasies actually happen quite often. I'm completely normal. Completely.

ONE: This fantasy involves me getting some sort of terminal illness that for some reason causes me to have to go into a coma. Of course in this fantasy all my friends and family are crying over my limp coma ridden body. Of course. Then, when I miraculously awake from my coma months later I'm somehow fully cured but require intensive physical therapy to get my now pixie thin body into functioning shape. Of course my physical therapist turns out to be Hottie McHotHot and we end up falling madly in love all Florence Nightingale Syndrome style as he helps my disease weak little body recover with his hulking biceps.

*This fantasy usually lasts me up to three miles, depending on how detailed my mind decides to get on mine and Hottie McHotHot's nuptials. So...this fantasy equals about 300 calories burned.*

TWO: This second fantasy usually only occurs when I happen to run by a creepy looking person or a cop. It goes as follows. I'm running, blood pumping, muscles feeling strong in the running rhythm that they're so used to, mind completely blank when I happen to run past a suspicious looking person. Then I ask myself, what if that isn't just a suspicious looking fellow? WHAT IF that suspicious looking fellow is actually an escaped criminal and he's secretly holding a knife in one of those suspicious looking pockets? WHAT IF as I ran passed instead of just giving me a weird look he had pulled out aforementioned knife and completely stabbed me in the gut? What then, huh? Then the real fantasy begins and of course in this alternate reality when the creepy looking fellow stabs me in the gut he doesn't succeed in murdering me (Which was his intention. Obviously.). He fails in his murder attempts because in this alternate reality I'm proficient in Jiu Jitsu and I manage to give him a good beating before he takes off running into the distance, leaving me behind with a stab wound miles away from home with no phone. Of course I manage to heroically run the last 3 miles home with a stabbed gut that's bleeding profusely. Then the fantasy ends with me being hailed as the "heroic runner who survived stabbing" on the nightly news. OR, if I don' happen to run passed a creeping person, which is rare, then I usually happen to run passed a cop car which then changes the fantasy a lil' bit. If I happen to run passed a cop instead of a creepy person then the fantasy becomes, WHAT IF I get kidnapped at sometime during my run and that cop I just passed is the last person to see me before I go missing? AND THEN, when he sees the report of my missing persons case on the news that night he recognizes me and is able to lead the search team to my rescue! Of course he was aided in finding me by the string of clues I so "intelligently" left strung across the roads.
*For some reason I only ever seem to pass cops or creepy people when I'm on my long runs so this fantasy can usually last 8 to 10 miles, give or take a couple. Calories burned:800-1,000*

THREE: This fantasy is really the only one in which I die. It usually starts by me getting some sort of random ache in the stomach area while I'm running which will then cause me to wonder, "what if this pain isn't just a simple little cramp caused by running"? WHAT IF I actually have some sort of rare cancer? Oh my gosh. I have cancer. I totally have cancer. (Because to my running brain that's all hyped up on endorphins me having cancer is much more logical as apposed to having a simple cramp. Much more.) What will I do now that I have cancer? Well, I can't afford to have cancer so my mom would probably get me to go on an all green diet that she read somewhere would cure me. I'd keep running through it all. Obviously. The green cancer curing diet would work and I'd be hailed as the "runner who beat it" and I'd even have a feature in Runners World Magazine. It's all about the fame here people. ;) BUT just when everyone, myself included, thought I was cured I would die. Then I'd have a completely tragic funeral full of tears that everyone I've EVER met would attend. Everyone would say completely awesome things about me and then there would be a little photo montage of my young life playing on a giant screen to Passion Pit's "Take a Walk" song. Oh, and then of course Hottie McHotHot would be there completely heart broken to declare his love for me over my casket. In this scenario Hottie McHotHot was a nurse who met and fell in love with me through all of my doctors appointments. The end. 

*This fantasy lasts up to 5 miles. Calories burned: 500* 

Now, I don't want you all to think that I only dream up freaky little Spanish soap opera style fantasies when I run. I do occasionally dream up scenarios in which I'm in a mega cool band and/or a lauded Oscar award winning actress. Or ya know, there is the 90% of the time in which I'm thinking of nothing other than running. BUT, since I'm so gracious and all, feel free to borrow any one of my fantasies for your own exercising needs. I've already given you all complete calorie burning information for each of them. ;)

Much Love!

Linking up With: The Pleated Poppy