Un Petite Fille

The last couple of days I've been trying out this weird little thing called "going-to-bed-EARLY". I always used to be so good at doing that and then this last year I just sort of started staying up a little later and a little later and a little later. I wasn't even doing anything important either. Just wasting time on the internet and watching movies on Netflix. Anyway, last night I actually listened to my body and went straight to bed the moment it felt sleepy. Which was at about eight flippin' thirty. Hashtag "grandma status" anyone? Oh well, it's healthy. Anyway, I went to bed the instant I felt tired and now here I am at 3:30 in the morning fully awake and typing up this post. Well, I guess that fully awake part is debatable. ;) Which you could possibly use as the reason for the deluge of random thoughts you're all about to receive. Ready for all of these random thoughts of mine? Because I honestly don't even know where to start. All I know is I have an abundance of vague thoughts that are just dying to spill out in some form of creative way and I'm not so sure I actually know how to express it all. Does that make any sense or is it just the sleep talking? It's probably just the sleep but humor me and just roll with me here. Let's start with the topic of perception. I was just thinking the other day how odd it is that people can perceive you in a completely different manner than you perceive yourself. Isn't that odd? I mean, when I look in the mirror I just see me. I mean, beyond the brown eyes, freckles, sharp nose, high cheekbones, and big smile I see all of the thoughts, recollections, and experiences that have shaped ME. Now, this next bit might sound like it's completely off topic but it fits into the idea I'm trying to express here so bare with me. You know how every family has that annoying sibling that runs to their mom with the silly and ludicrously simple accusation of, "MOOOOOM, they're looking at me. Tell them to stop looking at me!" In my family, I was that sibling. Granted, I was just the annoying sibling in general. ;) Anyway, what I'm trying to get at here is that I don't like being looked at and I never really have. Sort of funny coming from a girl who chooses to blog about fashion and thereby post pictures of herself for the world to see, right? Call me a Starburst I guess. Ya know cause of that whole "Starburst is a solid yet juicy like a liquid" thing? From the "contradiction" commercial with the Scottish Korean eating Starbursts? Ringin' any bells? No? Moving on then. My mom was telling me yesterday that she couldn't understand people that didn't like being looked at. She thought it was the strangest thing because she didn't have any problem with people looking at her because she figures, "I'm an attractive lady. Keep on lookin". Not just that, but she also said people needed to get over themselves and realize that sometimes the so called "lookers" aren't even looking at them, they're just staring blankly. Am I making any sense with this? Anyway, here's to getting over myself and letting people stare. Who cares. Well, no, I take that back because deep down I cares. I think that it stems from the fact I wish people would see beyond the exterior and see ME. The way that I see me. To see me for me. Like that "Hey Leonardo" song by Walking Buzz. 90s throwback anyone? Anyway, maybe I'm not even making any sense and this whole thing is just stupid. I guess what I'm getting at, though, is that I wish people (and by people I mostly mean the male population) would see me and see the descriptives that I use to describe myself such as, "modest, happy, daughter of God, a lady -in the truest meaning of the word-, and deserving of respect" rather than, "hot". That word just really irks me. I know most women would just tell me to quite whining and take the "compliment" but I just don't see that word as being a compliment. It just feels objectifying and undermining of all of my efforts to be a lady and by textbook standards, "The word lady is a civil term of respect for a woman". So I just want some good old R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Don't get me wrong, though, I'm not against receiving compliments. It's the best thing in the world to receive chivalrous compliments like, "beautiful", "gorgeous" or heck, something complimentary of my personality. I think that society has forgotten that chivalry extends beyond opening doors and that being a true gentleman also means being chivalrous in thought and word.

dress: ASOS
hat: h&m similar
photos: Ro Photography

Anyway, that's the gist of my rant. Hopefully it had some passing semblance of sense. I'm just a petite fille who woke up at 3:30 in the morning with a head chuck full of thoughts wanting to be shared. A petite fille who likes to don purple wigs because she wishes she had short purple hair but lacks the gumption to actually do it, who likes to run in the mountains, eat ice cream, jam out to insanely loud music in the car, has funny fantasies about being a contestant on The Voice, mega fan of cheesy pop like The Backstreet Boys yet fan of insanely obscure indie artists like Wake Owl, has wrists the size of the average 7 year old (I googled and confirmed this;), dreamer who wishes she could buy a plane ticket for a trip around the world, lover of anything sci-fi/fantasy, concert go-er, and a gosh dang happy daughter of a Heavenly King. Anyway, that's that. I've run out steam and as it's now 5:15am I think I'll just go back to bed for a couple of more hours. :)

Much love!