I Hold These Truths to be Self Evident (In other words, my Declarationof Independence?)

So we all know that wonderful little document that goes something along the lines of, "We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal", and so on and so forth. Anyone know what I'm talking about here? That's right, I'm talking about The Declaration of Independence. Now, before you freak out that I'm about to give you a history lesson I might as well inform you that I'm simply putting together my own little "Declaration of Independence" of sorts for the day. It goes as follows, drum roll please...

"These truths I hold to be self evident, that my butt is in more pain than a Taylor Swift break up song, that I was endowed by my creator with a plethora of remarkable talents and abilities (had to toot my own horn a bit as the statement that follows is the exact opposite of self horn tooting) but was also endowed with certain (3 for the purpose of this declaration to be exact) undeniable faults, that among these are a complete inability to turn off any lights and/or curling irons when I exit a room, wash any sort of dish and actually make it clean, or put the toilet paper roll facing the right direction." 

{F21: black scoop neck tee similar; AE: striped button up similar; H&M: skirt similar, heels; Target: wristlet bag borrowed from my sister}

Let's discuss the items on my declaration shall we? 

Number One: MY. BUTT. IS. SORE. You know how people pound the bloody heck out of their steaks with little hammers to tenderize them? Yeah, how I imagine those poor little pounded steaks to feel after being "tenderized" is how my butt feels right now. My poor little tenderized butt. Sitting here writing this post is hurting my sore little cheeks so much that I kind of feel like drop kicking bunnies. Not really, but you get the picture. I hurt. Yes, I realize that the level of soreness in my buttocks (buttocks is a lovely word, don't you think? So beautifully hilarious.) is a direct result of my own crazy obsession with running and cross training but I reserve the right to complain about it gosh dang it! ;) 

Number Two: I find myself completely unable to remember to turn off lights when I exit a room and even worse turn off curling or flat irons when I'm done using them. I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just a genetic mutant and I'm missing that genetic component in the brain that reminds people to turn off electric items, especially the kind that run the risk of over heating and setting  houses on fire. I think I forget to turn off lights because my brain will swear to its death that it succeeded in getting my fingers to flick the switch. That is until my annoyed siblings lead me back into the room where the light is inevitably still on. I've disfigured my bathroom countertop so much by leaving hair irons on that my adorable little sister stuck a note to our mirror that says, "turn off the iron"! It has helped.

Number Three: My total and complete inability to wash dishes. I don't know why but I just really, really suck at washing dishes and it's not for lack of trying because believe you me, I try. No matter how hard I scrub there always seems to be a spot, or multiple, that I seem to have missed. My dear old mum will frequently look through piles of dishes that I've washed and wonder if I washed them with my eyes closed. It's that bad. It's like I'm Oscar the Grouch's and Joe Dirt's secret love child and I learned how to wash dishes from them. I think I'll just have to be the type of lady who hand washes dishes AND puts them through the dish washer. Why not JUST put them through the dish washer you ask? Because I was raised to believe that dish washers suck at cleaning dishes and really only accomplish the unwanted goal of staining them. 

Number Four: I think the following images will accurately sum up number four. 

The CORRECT (at least according to my siblings and the rest of the free world apparently since this meme was even made.) way of putting the toilet paper roll on. 

The INcorrect way of placing a toilet paper roll

Heedless fool with a skewed perception of reality? I think that describes my personality pretty accurately. :) 

Much Love! 

Linking up with: Because Shanna Said So

25 Things Girls Say...and Oh Mickey You're so Fine!

Top of the mornin' to yeh lovely readers. Although, I guess it's not really morning anymore. Oh, well! So Buzzfeed compiled a list of 25 of our "best" phrases as the female species. The list is pretty hilarious and I know its meant to poke fun at the insane things girls say but I figure, "hey, if we're going to bleed and feel like we've got an alien tearing its way out of us a la Prometheus for about 5 days a month AND we have to carry the responsibility of birthing other little humans than we reserve the right to say crazy things. If we want to say, "guuuuys!", "could you do me a huge favor?", "my feet hurt", or "I kind of want a hot dog" then we bloody well should be able to! Not that I condone "I am woman. Me bear children. Me do whatever me wants" type of behavior either. I mean, just because we carry the future generations of the world on our shoulders doesn't mean we get an automatic free pass to be little whiny beasties. ;) I''m totally feeling number 7 on the list of 25 things girls say, though! Take a look fer yerselves! 

{Gap: jeans similar; F21: sandals similar; Mickey Mouse Tee: inherited from my little brother; Watch: borrowed from my little brother}

I don't know about you guys but I'm SOOOO over summer. I'm sick of the nasty nasty heat heat. Yes, the heat is so nasty that describing it required going back to 3 year old talk and saying it twice. I'm sick of wearing sandals that make the soles of my feet look so black that I might as well have been walking around bare foot. I'm sick of being constantly sweaty, and I'm sick of burning my butt every time I sit down in a car. I know, I know, I blogged so much about how excited I was for summer but then life happened and this summer just ended up sucking a lil bit. Ja feel? Plus, I'm just sooooo excited for fall, no matter how cliche girl that makes me sound! I ordered two pairs of booties from Go Jane and I'm literally dying to wear the crap out of them!! Plus, I just got two pairs of jeans from gap ($13 and $19!!!) that are just amaze-balls and look perfect with the aforementioned booties!! Fall, oh favorite season of mine, come quickly!! How are you guys feeling about the summer? Oh, and on a side note, who needs thrifting when you've got a little brother? I stole this mickey tee, from his 8 year old days, cut the sleeves and the collar off and voila cool new graphic tee for free! 

Much Love! 

Linking up with: Because Shanna Said So

Public Restroom Woes, Vomitrocious, and I am NOT in love with you!!

These pictures don't show it but I have felt absolutely disgusting this week guys. I've had this disgusting and unshakable nausea that's had my stomach feeling all achey and gross and my throat feeling like it's got a lump the size of mars stuck in it. I'm seriously surprised I haven't spewed chunks yet. Yesterday was just complete misery for my wee little stomach and today I'm surprised I was able to make it through church and these pictures in one piece. Yuck, yuck, bleh. You know, as much as I hate throwing up and as much as it freaks me out I'd almost rather just throw up and get it over with. Maybe then my stomach would get over itself and stop torturing me. You know I've already tried to get my brain to send the message down to my stomach that it needs to get it's act together but alas no luck. I had to give the lesson in my Sunday school class today, ah! It's my second time doing it and I think I did pretty well other than the fact that it felt like it was 100 degrees in the classroom and I'm pretty sure I had some serious pit stains going on, but oh well. My class should at least consider themselves lucky that I didn't upchuck my breakfast onto them right? I'd consider that a win, plus they got Reeses for participating. Lucky them! So I've got three major thoughts going on right now. One: why did public bathroom designers start thinking it was a good idea to make everything automatic??! Two: why can't I seem to look anywhere peacefully without somebody thinking I'm staring at them?! Three: ...I can't remember what number three was anymore.

{H&M: polka-dot button up, A-line skirt similarish but available in stores for $10, baby pink heels similar but available in stores for $15!; F21: pendant necklace similar}

Let's talk about thought number one real quick. Automatic anything in a bathroom sucks. Want to know why? Well let's see, an automatic flushing toilet sucks because toilets spew their nasty little flush juice (or water if you want to get technical) about a hundred feet out. Now, don't quote me on that because I'm not sure that's the exact distance the water sprays but you get the point, its flush juice sprays FAR. Now, if it's a peaceful and glorious regular old NON automatic flushing toilet then you can plan your escape from flush juice accordingly. You can pull up your undies/panties/unmentionables or whatever else you feel most comfortable calling your undergarments and your trousers in peace and still have enough time to unlatch your stall door before quickly tapping that flush trigger and booking it out of the stall toward the sink station like you're Barney Stinson running from commitment. IF, however, you have to use a self flushing toilet then you just get stuck having flush juice spray out all over your butt mid pee because self flushing toilets are demonic. Oh, and automatic sinks and paper towel dispensers? Uh, hello, I need more than two splashes worth of water to rid my hands of public bathroom germs, and YES I would like a paper towel bigger than a baby butt wipe to dry off the two splashes of water the automatic sink gave me thank you very much. I guess the moral of the story here is to never use public restrooms...but I unfortunately have to pee every two seconds so that's not really going to happen. Alright, on to thought number two: there's no safe zone to look at in church anymore without someone thinking I'm staring at them!! I was sitting in sacrament meeting today, quite uncomfortable mind you, because of the whole feeling like I'm going to barf at any second thing and also because ever since I was in a car accident last year I can't seem to be able to sit for longer than 5 minutes without my butt going completely numb and totally hurting. Anyway, I'm sitting there uncomfortable trying to look at the speaker when I noticed a dude in the middle section three rows up from me glancing back and giving me a weird look. Obviously I turned my eyes toward him since I noticed him giving me a weird eye and low and behold it's a guy I went on a date with once (Date was a'ight. Didn't really like him in that way. Never really spoke again after the date. Now he's dating someone else. Now you're filled in). Awkward...and grrrrreat, now he thinks I was staring at him, and probably thinks I'm freakishly obsessed with him. Ok. Well. I'll just avoid looking there now...but he's basically lined up with my view of the speaker so how am I supposed to look at the speaker and look like I'm paying attention if I can't look in that direction without him thinking I'm staring at him? Oh well. I'll look in other directions. Well, in my attempts to look in other directions I kept glancing to my right, where there was another guy sitting who noticed me repeatedly glancing at him. Grrrrrrrrrreat, now this guy thinks I'm staring at him and evidently likes it. Ughhhhh. Guy, I'm not purposely glancing at you, it's an accident! I swear! I am not in love with you! Alright. Well, clearly the right side is not doing me any favors view wise so I'll just look straight ahead of me. Problem solved. Not. The girl sitting in front of me noticed me staring straight ahead and thought I was staring at her. Needless to say she gave me a weird look. I'm sorry girl, I swear I don't have some weird lesbian crush on you. I was just trying to find a safe spot to look. I'll just close my eyes now, and hope to turn invisible. Now, since I forgot what my thought number three was let's just pretend it was about how there's a summer sale going on at H&M (buy two get one free!) and I got two skirts, a sweater, a pair of shoes, and a top. Yay! 

Much Love!

Linking up With: The Pleated Poppy

Mail Time!

The past couple of weeks here in Utah have been raaaaaaaaainyyyyyy. Now, I usually LOVE the rain, but mix it with 90 degree weather and you've got yourself a recipe for mop head hair. Yuck. That's what I've got going on in these photos. Hair that got wet and limp from the rain, but frizzed out and weird from the heat. Yayyyyy!!! Not. Anyway, I've been really feeling the retro look lately so here's yet another retro-y outfit. You'd think I'd got so dressed up for something special or what not, but nope. I just had a gazillion and one errands to run. Who says you need something special to dress up for anyway right? If I feel like wearing a long polka dot dress and kitten heels for no good reason other than I felt like it, than I'm going to do it gosh dang it! ;) 

 {F21: readers similar; Charlotte Russe: kitten heels similar; Dress: borrowed from my mama, similar here and here}

Anyway, the other day on a walk with my puppy I got to thinking about something. When I was a kid, getting mail was just about the most exciting thing ever. Seriously. I mean, it was just this whole magical special experience. I blame an annoying sweater clad man named Steve and his little blue dog for this. I'd take the trip to the mailbox all excited thinking, "Mail time! Mail time! Mail time! Mail time". Again, thanks a lot for the annoying mail song Steve. Anyway, I'd get to the mailbox, pull out all of the mail, and start flipping through it. Almost all of it was for my parents and I'd always think, "wow, Mom and Dad are sooo cool. They get ALL of this mail"! Every now and then I'd see an envelope with my name printed across it and all of a sudden my brain would be flooded with thoughts of, "I is kind. I is smart. I is important!!!" Well, not really, since The Help wasn't a movie yet, but you get the point. I was excited. Even if most of the time all that the envelope contained was a lousy reminder that I had library books due. Anyway, this got me thinking that the last time I was that excited about mail was when I got my college acceptance letter and AP test results. After that, getting the mail just turned into this "avoid as long as possible" thing. Why? Uh, because all you get in the mail when you're an adult are bills -cue Destiny's Child "Bills, Bills, Bills"- and reminders that your tuition is overdue. Yuck. To think that my childhood self thought a ton of mail was a good thing, ha! Well, seven year old Allexis I love you, but you had no idea what you were talking about. Well, that's basically the gist of my puppy walking thoughts! BUT if you need further entertainment (which I'm sure none of you do since I'm sooo riveting. Right? Right?? [: ) watch the Blues Clues mail time song! 

It takes a special man to wear a sweater and sing about mail with an imaginary dog. ;) 

Much Love! 

Body, Brain, and Spirit

This week my body has been a little butt butt. It'll wake up at it's usual hour of 6 o'clock fine and dandy but when I try to tell it to actually physically get OUT of bed to go on it's run and cross train it simply refuses. Now before I move on any further with what I'm about to say I have to explain something. You know that whole body and spirit thing? How most people, with the exception of some non-religious folk, believe that the body and spirit are two separate things? Well, I believe that too but I take it just a step farther. Now, this isn't a religious belief or anything this is just one of my crazy Allexis-isms (Yes. I just made that term up just now. But I mean I make up so many random phrases and have so many random thoughts that it only makes sense to categorize them all under the term "Allexis-isms".) I like to think that there's my BODY, my BRAIN, and ME. Sooo, I talk to each of those things as separate little entities. I know. I know. I sound certifiably insane, right? I know what you're all thinking, "this creep creep talks to her body, her brain, and herself"?! Well, maybe I am crazy but I mean when I start getting a crazy eye twitch or something to ME it only makes sense to yell, "Brain, tell our stupid eyeball to quit twitching like a fish in the middle of the Sahara". If the eye twitch stops then I say, "Good job Brain. Show that eyeball who's boss", if it doesn't stop then I say, "Brain, you little idiot. I TOLD you to tell the eyeball to QUIT twitching. Hurmph. Nobody in this bodily system of mine ever listens to me"! Anyway, now that I've explained that we can move on with the story...that is if I haven't scared all of you  readers away with my crazy thoughts.

{F21: heart printed shirt dress similar, heart earrings similar; Tanger Outlets: shoes similar; H&M: studded hair pin similar}

So back to the story. Like I said earlier, my body has been a little poop poop this whole week and has been wanting to refuse any form of its usual exercise which has been greatly annoying me since just last week it did SO well. Anyway, this is the gist of my conversation with my brain this morning, which for the purpose of telling you guys this story lets call my brain Timmi. Why of all names do I choose Timmi as the name for my brain you ask? Well, because Timmi just sounds like an adorable name and I'd like to think my brain is an adorable little sucker. ;) Anyway, back on track. Conversation with Timmi this morning:
ME: -opens eyes and stretches- Oh, hey look! Little Roku (my puppy)  is sleeping on my bed. Wonder when he got there? Oh, that's right mom brought him up around 4:30. What a cutie. Well, I guess it's time to get up and change into my running gear. Ya hear that, Timmi? Time to sound the alarm. Tell the Body to get up.
TIMMI: Ok...the Body says no.
ME: What do you mean the Body says no?? We've got miles to run and weights to lift. We've got a strict half-marathon training schedule to follow!
TIMMI: The body just says no, and that's that. The Legs are tired from the speed workout yesterday and they don't want to move unless it involves going downstairs to get some animal cookies...
ME: Ooooo, animal cookies?! That does sound tempting...but no. We've got to get up and run. Body, forget Timmi. She sucks at giving orders. I command you to get up and change into our running gear.
BODY: No.
ME: I hate you.
...
ME: Just kidding. I take that back. You're pretty great Body but you're being a real jerk lazy toot toot.

Anyway, needless to say I didn't get up and run I just rolled over and read blogs till 8 in the morning but whatev's. I guess I should cut my body some slack. I mean, it is riding the crimson wave, hosting the red devil, playing kickball with my uterus, or whatever other fancy phrase you want to use to describe a period.
And on that lovely, non disgustingly informative note...

Much Love! ;)

Linking up with: Because Shanna Said So, Fashion and Beauty Finds, and The Pleated Poppy